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On May 5th, 6258 RT (2017 CE), the VAXXED Death Cult came to Ireland.
As with any other cult the location of worship was kept secret, only to be disclosed to disciples who had paid their €25 (as an interviewer pointed out, ‘they are spreading the fear, but they are charging people for it’) two hours before the ceremony.
The cult was founded by Grand Wizard Andrew Wakefield who in the 1990s had applied for a patent for his own measles vaccine and subsequently tried to discredit the existing MMR vaccine by linking it to Crohn’s disease, autistic enterocolitis (which he had made up) and eventually autism. His fearmongering culminated in the 2016 anti-facts film VAXXED with which his followers managed to raise the Lord of Measles from the dead by providing him with sufficient child sacrifices. (For more information about Wakefield and VAXXED, click here.)
That day I eventually got to meet two of the leading autism rights campaigners, Witchhunter General Fiona Oleary (who had repeatedly been threatened by the cult leaders) and Emma Dalmayne, as well as a bunch of other lovely people, most of them autistic or sane parents of autistic children. We waited for news in a diner until it was announced that the event would take place in the Tivoli.
We set out on foot along the Liffey and soon got separated into small groups. As I was talking to Fiona and Emma while carrying our signs we were approached by a cult adherent who said she saw our posters and asked whether we were going to see VAXXED as well. (Apparently she only saw the word ‘vaccines’ on our signs since she assumed we were fellow worshippers.)
Since we were pressed for time Fiona got us a taxi, and we were the first protesters to arrive at the scene. I asked our VAXXED-damaged companion to take a picture of us during which she, as we noticed later, dropped her social security card. As she went in we told her we’d be waiting outside for our friends who arrived a little later.
Opposite the Tivoli the VAXXED camera crew was waiting for us, pretending to be interested in a dialogue which they prevented by shouting us down, using variations of the ‘I heard you out [which wasn’t true], now listen to me’ and ‘Have you seen the film?’ themes.
Of course the Guardian of the Temple made sure that only disciples entered, all others - with or without ticket - were denied. Fiona and I asked him to have the lost social security card passed on to its owner, but he firmly refused.
On the inside we could see High Priestess Polly Tommey (‘Parents are taking the lives of their [autistic] children already [...], and I for one will never judge them for what they do’) making faces at us, and after a while the manager of the venue appeared and told us that he came to stop the event in order to get past us. Shortly afterwards he addressed the congregation and boasted about how he had outsmarted us.
We remained outside, holding up our signs, while inside the servants of the Lord of Measles spread the irrational fear of autism and encouraged parents to deny their children protection from diseases that can kill them.
Of course we know that we can’t defeat the Lord of Measles and his growing death cult on our own. That is why we are trying to raise the spirit of Common Sense from the grave to walk in our midst again and defeat the dark forces of VAXXED.