Random Thoughts on Childcare

Respect

Do you remember the patronising attitude with which you were treated as a child? I do, and I knew back then that I would always take children seriously. I have never told a child to be quiet when grown-ups are talking, I have never ridiculed a child’s concerns or questions (no matter how far-fetched they seemed), and I have always listened to what they have to say.
Children may only be partly our age and size, but they are complete human beings nonetheless and deserve to be treated with the same respect.
(Talking about respect, a lot of people claim ‘My children respect me!’ – According to my definition, respect is something mutual; if it’s one-sided, it’s simply fear.)

Creativity

Children often come up with their own ideas and find the grown-ups unprepared. When a child is wearing a jigsaw box as a hat or building a Playdough tower on a Lego castle, many childcare workers tend to freak and give out to them.
As adults, we are told we should think ‘outside the box’ and come up with creative ideas. Therefore we should encourage our children to do the same, rather than telling them how to play.
When I see a child coming up with something new, I ask myself two questions: ‘Could anyone get hurt?’, and ‘Could anything get damaged?’. If the answer to both is No, I let them carry on.

Example

There’s nothing more disillusioning for a child than to find out the person looking after them is a hypocrite. Naturally, there are rules to keep the children safe or to prevent damage to equipment, clothes etc. But I have noticed that many parents and childcare workers, usually without being aware of it, don’t comply with their rules themselves.
When I tell the children to hold on to the banister when going up the stairs, I hold on to the banister, too.
When I tell the children to put on an apron while they’re painting, I put on an apron myself.
It seems only a small thing, but living by what you preach is important to gain the respect of a child (or anybody else, for that matter).

Explanations

When asked questions by children, no matter how complex the topic might be, I have never told them they were too small to understand.
Taking into account their age and intellect, I explain anything to them in a language they are likely to understand. In many cases, even I was surprised at how much they are able to grasp (just like the under-3-year old who not only understood the concept of electricity but was also able to apply it in an entirely different context).
If they understand – brilliant! If they don’t – no harm done, and they’ll probably ask again in a year or so.
(Parents have repeatedly told me how much their child’s speech and vocabulary had improved after just a few days with me, so there must be something right about this approach.)

Safety

As everything else these days, the idea of safety is being taken to the extreme. Give it a few years, and children will be strapped into a safety chair right after birth, only to be released 18 years later.
Of course it is necessary to ensure the children’s safety, remove all possible hazards and create a danger-free area for them to grow up in. But children will get bruises (just as we do), and we can’t just put them into a padded cell and take all the toys away.
It is important to be reasonable. Not allowing a toddler to balance unassisted on a 10’ high wall because they might fall and break their neck is sensible, not allowing them to play football in the driveway because they might fall and skin their knees is just silly.

Planning vs. Exploring

We live in an age where childhood is thoroughly planned and organised. In Ireland (and other countries as well, I imagine) pre-school regulations require that all pre-school facilities have their weekly, monthly and annual plans, and force the children into certain group activities. There is no space for spontaneity, let alone taking into account the children’s wishes (unless 2- and 3-year olds know exactly what they want to do Friday week at 2pm).
Pre-school children are under 5 years old. At this stage, they are still exploring the world, trying new things, and taking in all kinds of stimuli.
They can’t focus on anything that doesn’t grab their attention, and they are not supposed to. It’s against Nature.
While painting with the others, a child may see the toy tractor and wonder whether it rolls as fast on the rubber mats as it does on the floor. Naturally, he/she will get up and leave the table in order to satisfy their scientific curiosity, and it’s the job of the childcare worker to prevent them from doing so and bring them back to the table.
Unfortunately, while working in the crèche, I was in that situation myself. However, I never went as far as some of my colleagues, telling two-year olds that ‘it’s work time’.
Children, just as adults, learn a lot more when they’re having fun. For example, a boy who loves cars will be more likely to learn numbers by counting the cars parked in front of the house than he does by being forced to listen to a story about ten little sheep.
In my experience, forcing children into activities they dislike (or just aren’t interested in at that particular moment) makes them agitated and unruly and crushes their spirits.

Structure and Discipline

In one of the crèches I worked in, I ran a toddler group with perfectly well-behaved children, based on mutual respect. They said please and thank you (just as I did), considered tidying up to be fun, and listened when I got serious in order to ensure their safety.
Later management forced me to take a more military approach (or, as it was phrased, ‘apply more structure and discipline’), ban certain fun things and force the children into group activities. I was teamed up with an assistant who was constantly nagging at them, all in the name of safety.
The result was that the children became restless and unruly, refused to tidy up and ignored anything that was said to them. (I do remember from my own childhood how permanent nagging becomes part of the background, and how, as a self-defence mechanism, nothing of it is registered at all.)
Right after my group was subjected to this tougher approach, the number of accidents quadrupled.

Challenging Behaviour

Dealing with children who display disruptive or challenging behaviour (or whatever the current politically correct term may be) can be very frustrating – both for the parent/childcare worker and the child. I was such a child, and I clearly remember that I had a very defiant attitude because I felt I had no say in the running of my own life.
It is important to let the child make decisions. Of course, there are cases when the child can’t be given a choice – but in that case there are always what I call ‘little choices’. A child can’t decide whether to go home or to stay in the crèche; but they can be given a choice whether their shoes are put on by mum or the childcare worker. A child can’t decide whether to go to school or not – but they can be given a choice whether to get a ham sandwich or a chicken burger in their lunch box.
However, this appraoch requires a lot of patience. No matter if you look after these children already and decide to change your approach, or if you get these children into your care, it will take a long long time until they realise you are on their side. But once they do, they will treat you with the same respect that you treat them with.

Co-determination

One of the most quoted lines I heard while working in crèches was ‘The children don’t tell us what to do, we tell the children what to do!’
I don’t agree with this. In my opinion, we are there for the children, not the other way round.

We are told we live in a democracy. In order to be prepared for this, the children learn about it at school. And then, on their 18th birthday, they’re suddenly confronted with the fact of having a say in their lives.
I have always believed in letting children make decisions themselves – within reason, of course. And when different children want different things, I take a vote. (In case of a tie, I simply cast my own vote as well.)
For example, it was always a big discussion whether we’d go outside or not. Usually, the vote was something like 6:2 in favour.
After three days, I would tell the 6 guys that they’ve had their turn three times in a row, and that it was time for the others to get their turn and stay inside. And on one occasion, we couldn’t go because it was winter and one girl didn’t have a coat with her.
So, apart from giving them an idea of the concept of democracy, I also pointed out its limitations as well as the rights of minorities.

Left and Right

As much as I love the Hokey Cokey, I found this and other songs entirely useless for teaching the children left and right, the problem being that the child will always mirror you, raising the left arm when you raise the right and vice versa.
When you turn your back to the group and raise your right arm, the children will walk around you to see what you’re doing, and if you face the wall to avoid this, they will lose interest.
In order to teach left and right, you either have to face the same direction, or you have to point things out from the child’s perspective.
When I used to put their shoes back on after a nappy change, I said ‘Now we put the left shoe on the left foot’, and did the same with the right shoe. After a few weeks I started asking them beforehand ‘Which shoe is this?’, and soon they managed to get it right two out of three times.
Another approach was the train ride. You put a number of chairs in a straight line, sit down between the children and give them turns to be train drivers.
Then you start pointing out what you see: ‘Look to your right, there’s a big fun fair!’ or ‘Do you see that big tractor to your left?’
(A little anecdote: a girl put her left shoe on her left foot and asked me: ‘Is this the right one?’. I didn’t want to confuse her or let her think she got it wrong, so, after thinking for a moment, I replied: ‘That’s correct, the left shoe on the left foot.’)

In my opinion, the main intellectual requirements for a child are freedom and guidance, as I have pointed out in this poem:

Childhood

Teach me how to watch and talk
so that I may speak my mind,
show me where it’s safe to walk
till the time that I will find
my own way with watchful eye:
take my hand and let me fly!

And I’ll take you up with me
to the sky, and while we soar
high above the world, you’ll see
things you’ve never seen before
as the clouds are rolling by:
take my hand and let me fly!

© 6250 RT (2009 CE) by Frank L. Ludwig

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