A Bereft Father's Lament

For Michael Sean Nicolaou


Our fate in women's clothes has dropped the curtain,
your mother has divided what was one:
though you are not my child, she knows for certain
that in my heart you'll always be my son.

She left the man she claims to be your father
and everybody else who ever cared;
instead of getting settled she would rather
chase every male to hear his love declared.

I've worshipped her as long as she pretended
that she could love, I quivered at her touch;
I found the girl I deemed divine and splendid,
with her the boy whom I adored as much.

But to be honest, it was you who found me:
behind your mother you played peekaboo,
and once you flung your loving arms around me
and triumphed, 'Mummy, I caught Frank - for you!'

We jumped upon your bed - while I was kneeling,
you tumbled up and down into my arms;
I grasped your ankles, and you walked the ceiling
with this broad smile uniting all your charms.

We often went to town, and I was taking
you on my shoulders every now and then,
and when we walked down Wine Street, you'd be shaking
your little fist and shout, 'I'm Superman!'

Some droll requests were on your child's agenda:
'What does Frank look like when he smokes his pipe?' -
You'd gnaw it, bend your head, squint up and render
a grin that's of the most mischievous type.

You picked the flowers and the weeds like crazy,
and in our house they covered every place;
now every dandelion and every daisy
reminds me of that bounty on your face.

We went for walks along the quiet ocean,
collecting shells and pebbles at the beach,
and in the bathtub we have mixed a potion
from every tube and bottle in our reach.

You chanted 'Kick it high!' when we played football,
and so I kicked it over Fairy House
over and over till I kicked the football
right through the bedroom window of our house.

'God talked to me tonight!' - Proud as ten stags
you woke us at the very break of dawn.
'He has three eyes, a red nose and six legs
to walk with, and his second name is Sean.'

You'd ask me how to write a certain letter,
a certain word, and I would show you how,
and every day your skills were getting better -
I bet you are a perfect writer now!

And when the Strandhill heaven smiled above you,
you'd race your bike around the church, and through
the empty car park you would shout, 'I love you!'
and I'd be shouting back, 'I love you, too!'

We conquered worlds together, we were ready
to share the pleasures of your childhood years,
and I remember when you called me Daddy
I felt so trusted I was close to tears.

Our friendship was so tender and so stormy
until your mother chased another guy;
she dumped me like so many men before me
and after me with hatred in her eye.

Only in retrospect I saw your mother's
licentiousness, her weak and fickle mind,
aborting and deserting all your brothers
and sisters just to keep one ogre blind.

When now you meet me, you appear to doubt me:
you hardly talk, and you cast down your eyes.
I know not what your mother says about me,
but I assure you that your mother lies.

I miss you when I walk the beach without you,
and every time I see a father play
with merry children I must think about you,
but still without me you will find your way.

May nothing ever quench your thirst for knowledge,
may beauty be in everything you see,
may you succeed in Epicurus' college
and be as free as you let others be.

We're separated by the fiend who freed me,
but all our memories I cherish still,
and I'll be there for you if you should need me:
I love you, Michael, and I always will.


© 6239 RT (1998 CE) by Frank L. Ludwig