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Last Words

Last words say a lot about people and their attitude towards Life. I have some firm favourites, and if you know any other good ones,
please send an email to

'I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.'
- HUMPHREY BOGART, American actor

'I am about to - or I am going to - die; either expression is used.'
- DOMINIQUE BOUHOURS, French grammarian

'I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.'
- W.C. FIELDS, US comedian

'I feel nothing, apart from a certain difficulty in continuing to exist.'
- BERNARD FONTANELLE, French philosopher

‘Watch out, please!’
- EGON FRIEDELL, Austrian historian and writer, to a passing pedestrian before jumping out of a window in Vienna
as the Gestapo knocked at his door (a wonderful example of the famous Viennese courtesy)

‘Get me my bedpan.’
- J.W. GOETHE, German poet, according to his servant (his acolytes prefer the ‘More light!’ quote)

‘God will forgive me. That’s his profession.’
- HEINRICH HEINE, German poet

'Surprise me!'
- BOB HOPE, English-born American comedian, when his wife asked him where we wanted to be buried

'On the contrary !'
- HENRIK IBSEN, Norwegian dramatist, when his nurse told a visitor that he was feeling better

'I told you I was ill.'
- SPIKE MILLIGAN, British comedian

'I do not have to forgive my enemies, I've had them all shot.'
- RAMON MARIA NARVAEZ, Spanish general

‘I am just going outside, and may be some time.’
- LAWRENCE OATES, member of Robert F. Scott’s fatal expedition to the South Pole, before lighting his pipe
and walking into a blizzard (due to his physical condition he delayed the group)

'They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dist--'

'It is not my appearance, but my disappearance, that troubles me.'
- THADDEUS STEVENS, US politician and leading abolitionist (after a visitor commented on his appearance)

'I've had eighteen straight whiskies, I think that's a record...'

'Even in the valley of the shadow of death, two and two do not make six.'
- LEO TOLSTOY, refusing to reconcile with the church

'Now, my good man, is no time for making enemies.'
- VOLTAIRE, when asked to renounce Satan

'Either this wallpaper goes, or I do.'
Alternative version:
'Alas, I am dying beyond my means' (while sipping champagne on his deathbed)

And, just in case nobody will be there to hear me, my last words shall be:
'Being myself was the second most stupid thing I ever did.'