Let us hear it for frontline workers
and applaud them for how they provide
for all others throughout this pandemic,
just to keep them all safe and supplied.

Our big heroes, the frontline workers,
deserve everything at this stage
except for protective equipment
and an adequate living wage.

The army of our leader
with all his lackeys rules
the world and, spreading freedom,
bombs hospitals and schools.
Not so the Irish Army;
we only can defend
our country in our country,
not an invaded land.
So here we fight the battle
of banks and buccaneers
by shooting all the cattle
of farmers in arrears.

Deployed by ruthless bankers
and CEOs we tour
the country where we gladly
wage war upon the poor.
If someone missed a payment
because he’s broke today
from bailing out the bankers,
he still will have to pay.
That’s why we fight the battle
of banks and buccaneers
by shooting all the cattle
of farmers in arrears.

I bought this country fair and square,
lock, stock and barrel; pout,
but people must not be aware
of how this came about.
I milk the cow that I don’t feed,
push profits to the max,
and all the same I do indeed
not pay a cent in tax.
I shall protect my reputation
from truth and its design;
I’ve purchased the entire nation -
it’s mine, it’s mine, it’s mine!

I own the state, I call the shots,
tenders I want I get
as I, from one of many yachts,
instruct the cabinet.
My corporate welfare won’t be cut
as long as I keep on
sponsoring those in power, but
my calm may soon be gone.
I shall protect my reputation
from truth and its design;
I’ve purchased the entire nation -
it’s mine, it’s mine, it’s mine!

Some tell my story; I take steps
to silence them through fear,
and if they do not shut their traps,
my lawyers get in gear.
I sue the press when it incites
awareness, and I sue
wayward TDs and satire sites
that publish what I do.
I shall protect my reputation
from truth and its design;
I’ve purchased the entire nation -
it’s mine, it’s mine, it’s mine!

I have the right to privacy
while tightening your chain;
I’ll sue all those who mention me
or take my name in vain.
My wrath is terrible but just,
my viewpoint well opined;
I’ll silence Ireland if I must
to keep the facts confined.
I shall protect my reputation
from truth and its design;
I’ve purchased the entire nation -
it’s mine, it’s mine, it’s mine!

It’s hard to live in poverty,
my child, but I’m afraid we all
have to make sacrifices for
less fortunate souls to ease their fall.

Denis must buy a brand new yacht,
allowing him to sail away
from business worries now and then;
that’s why your dad works without pay.

Angela needs a holiday
to visit Ischia, Trent and Rome
and take a break from politics;
that’s why we cannot heat our home.

And Enda has to get a new
Mercedes-Benz as a reward
for all he’s done to help us out;
that’s why your brother went abroad.

For Joan the newest iPad helps
to face the struggle and the strife
of dealing with the great unwashed;
that’s why your uncle took his life.

Then Micheál wants another suit
to look presentable and keep
his famed austere appearances;
that’s why you’re hungry going to sleep.

Ashbourne Annie Votes Labour

When Ashbourne Annie voted Labour,
her husband lost his job, you see,
and was, just like their next-door neighbour,
forced onto JobsBridge to work for free.

Though they spent less and less on eating,
the bank they’d saved was unimpressed,
and though they cancelled crèche and heating,
their little home was repossessed.

They now sleep in the streets of Dublin
where stars are twinkling from afar;
as if this wasn’t amply troublin’,
one child died of pneumonia.

‘Things will get better now,’ her Labour
TD vowed canvassing one day;
if Ashbourne Annie still votes Labour,
she sure deserves what comes her way.

(Tune: Quando, Quando, Quando)

Tell us, when will you be ours,
tell us, quango, quango, quango,
with no price caps and the pow’rs
to charge anything we like?

Every trickle twelve cents,
every bath is a tenner;
there’ll be no more pretence
that we care about the world.

It will be our company
and no quango, quango, quango,
with the profits flowing free
when the next election’s closed.

Every trickle twelve cents,
every bath is a tenner;
there’ll be no more pretence
that we care about the world.

Enda had a little pet, little pet, little pet,
Enda had a little pet with thoughts as black as tar,
and everywhere that Enda went, Enda went, Enda went,
and everywhere that Enda went, pet rabbit wasn’t far.

He followed him to Dáil one day, Dáil one day, Dáil one day,
he followed him to Dáil one day and thought that it was cool.
It made the TDs laugh and play, laugh and play, laugh and play,
it made the TDs laugh and play to see a rabbit rule.

Pet rabbit loves his Enda so, Enda so, Enda so,
pet rabbit loves his Enda so and surely knows his place
because a carrot dangles right, dangles right, dangles right,
because a carrot dangles right in front of his dazed face.

You may talk about the weather man and whether you agree,
or how you work on Maggie’s farm and struggle to be free,
who was the man on the grassy knoll, does Gorbachev drink tea?
But ask them all where’s Moneygall, and it’s still a mystery.

And if I could I’d build a field right here in Moneygall,
the Bulls, the Steam, and every team - my god I’d build it tall,
the White Sox and the Throwbacks, sure I’d invite them all.
We’d have our own Chicago in the hills of Moneygall.
Yeah! Chicago in the hills of Moneygall.

Joe Biden is on hold and the Security Council waits,
while I am here, enjoying some black stuff with Henry VIII,
the Afro-Irish culture is very much alive,
I sing along to every song while strangers kiss the wife.

And if I could I’d build a field right here in Moneygall,
the Bulls, the Steam, and every team - my god I’d build it tall,
the White Sox and the Throwbacks, sure I'd invite them all.
We’d have our own Chicago in the hills of Moneygall.
Yeah! Chicago in the hills of Moneygall.

(on the occasion of Barack Obama's visit)

‘I command this family, right or wrong!’
Michael Corleone (Al Pacino) in The Godfather III

They call me Don Aherno
(I don’t know why they do):
I never condemn wrongdoing
and expect the same from you.
I am this country’s Taoiseach –
in English that means chief,
the German word is Führer,
and I shall never leave.
I am the boss of Ireland,
and I get paid upfront,
and I can do whatever
the bloody hell I want!

The public keep on whining
they can’t afford their bread,
but if they starve, why don’t they
rather eat cake instead?
No more he roams these forests,
the tiger of the Celts,
and it is time our people
learnt tightening their belts.
I am the boss of Ireland,
and I get paid upfront,
and I can do whatever
the bloody hell I want!

Worldwide no man is dearer
as head of government,
and I have just awarded,
with all the best intent,
myself another pay rise
that has the public rage
and equals twenty incomes
on national minimum wage.
I am the boss of Ireland,
and I get paid upfront,
and I can do whatever
the bloody hell I want!

A man in my position
sure needs no bank account:
my cash is in the attic
where it is safe and sound.
And if I give positions
to business friends on plates,
it’s not because they paid me,
but just because they’re mates.
I am the boss of Ireland,
and I get paid upfront,
and I can do whatever
the bloody hell I want!

An anorak of Teflon
serves as my royal cloak –
though stuffed with large backhanders,
it looks like I am broke.
I’m such a lucky fellow:
who else could ever say
they’ve highly paid positions
where tips outweigh the pay.
I am the boss of Ireland,
and I get paid upfront,
and I can do whatever
the bloody hell I want!

I’m telling all my subjects
what and what not to do –
they won’t turn from their master
though they complain, but who
would dare to disobey me?
I tell them who gets fed,
and how to heat their houses,
and when to go to bed.
I am the boss of Ireland,
and I get paid upfront,
and I can do whatever
the bloody hell I want!

I’m a self-righteous tyrant,
and yet the voters see
in me the undisputed
head of the family.
They fear the raging despot,
the grump who tolerates
no question – the unjust father
whom everybody hates!
I am the boss of Ireland,
and I get paid upfront,
and I can do whatever
the bloody hell I want!

We claim the thirty-two counties, but
I think we should be dropping
the subject, for with thirty-two counties
where would we do our shopping?